8:37a everyone around me is getting sick or dying. a friend just lost their dad, jimmy’s coworker got viciously ill last night, i think we both have sinus infections, my agent had a family emergency that i’m not going into, and the owner of the office i’m going through for homeowner’s insurance just lost their dad as well. that fucks everything up.
in other news, we’re hitting the road for austin tomorrow. i’m excited. i haven’t been to austin as an adult.
10:56a i am getting better at spinning plates
11:30a i have honestly never used my email this extensively in my fucking life. i’ve literally been using it as a dump for logins and reciepts forever. i think i’m garbage at email unless i’m at work omg.
11:32a the juice+cotton in lieu of nicotine mints is working, i think. if i wasn’t stressed out from this other stuff going on i might not be snacking as much. but i stress eat. at least i’m buying stuff like sunflowers seeds and pistachios. i fucking want a five pound bag of skittles, but i’d blow through it in a day.
9:56a i guess im going to learn how to do drywall and floors. too late to go back now, notice is already in at my complex and id have to pay a massive penalty to go back on that. i fucking hate how our housing market works now.
11:26a i haven’t been sleeping well and this condo ordeal has had me wrapped up pretty much entirely. my weekends are spent cleaning and organizing and packing what i can.
god i think i put too much juice on my gums i hope i don’t get sick
2:47p i am tired and so anxious. i tried to go to bed early last night, but when i did i ended up waking up 2 hours later and didn’t go back to sleep until 1 in the morning. there was an alarm that woke me up again after that and apparently one of the stores in front of my apartments was broken into. we have lived here nearly 3 years and i’ve never heard that alarm go off.
3:59p getting homeowners insurance is actually fucking pulling teeth. ive been on the phone for a half hour. i only spend this much time on the phone with ESRI tech support jfc.
9:33a this feels like hurry up and wait. i’m going to put my 60 days in at my complex tonight. after that this is really going to be real, start to really take shape. hopefully the seller is making some headway on fixing the items in the contract. hopefully i don’t go broke doing this. hopefully everything works out.
and there’s a possible tropical mass floating around in the gulf. hopefully it spins out into nothing.
9:43a i’ve been dripping some 1mg fluid i made onto a piece of a cotton ball and shoving it between my lip and gum. trying to cut back on spending. i think i spend like $60-$90/month on nicotine lozenges and jfc that’s too much. this will take some getting used to, but this does taste better than the lozenges.
11:15a waiting patiently for my loan officer to re-populate this form. she keeps sending me forms with the incorrect unit number. makes me doubt them as a whole. i hope this gets resolved quickly.
11:29a listening to alice isn’t dead. she’s raving about bucees.
she’s 100% correct. bucees is literally heaven on the highway.
1:58p i just want to go back to sleep. i also hope that blabbermouth fails, fwiw. they said some garbage about west virginia that just reinforces the negative image the state has. like all they did was focus on don blankenship and not on the republican that actually won their election or the progressive that won like a decent percentage of the vote. they focused on what fit their show’s narrative and FUCK that. that’s fucking our country up more.
2:09p apparently an asphalt paver caught fire this afternoon. this does not bode well for us.
2:55p just over 2 hours i’m going to put in my notice at our apartment.
9:06a i made a huge mistake looking for homeowners insurance. jfc i’ve had like 8 phone calls already today from agencies ive never fucking heard of trying to get my business. i just want to get through to geico. jfc.
10:39a i think i found my company. they include appliances and HVAC in the policy. hhhnnggg
11:53a anxiety is the only thing i’m feeling. it’s awful. and i know that people are busy and can’t get back to me immediately and i’m really battling this feeling of being ignored and it hurts. it hurts so much. i know it’s illogical and self-centered, but then i think, what if they actually are ignoring me? what if i’m so goddamned annoying they’re going to delay my closing because i’m tooooooooooooooo vocal and annoying and “hey fuck you millenial scum!”
2:40p the sucking vacuum in my chest hasn’t stopped yet. i’m trying not to cry at work. ppl have got back to me but omg i have more questions and i’m fucking scared.
2:43p nvm agent said she had to bust out her viper hiss on the sellers and i think i love her even more
3:39p omg off book just nailed how i feel right now, just minus the birds and bees part. episode 25, pump the breaks. the first song.
i find myself leaning on off book’s back catalog when i’m stressing and it’s so nice.
3:44p i’m really conflicted about telling some of my friends about buying a place. one of the group basically just got priced out of the apartment she’s had with her roommate for like 6 years. they don’t make enough together to meet the income requirement the new owners of their complex enforced. that is terrifying.
3:50p holy god this episode of off book will take the sting out of anything. i mean, okay, that’s conditional on a lot of things because the episode seems to revolve around a single dad giving his kids the sex talk.
9:11a nosleep, season 5 episode 11: “phdsd – a case study”. this is a fantastic story and equally as fantastic narration from peter lewis.
it’s been a busy week so far. stressing about the condo. haven’t heard back from my agent since we talked. i hope everything is okay.
9:51a we had a fire drill. those are always fun. the noise scares the shit out of me and literally all i can hear is the alarm and all i see is the fucking strobe light. but that’s the point, right?
i think for a moment it wasn’t a drill. a nearby transformer blew up yesterday and ignited a mineral oil tank. i think the transformer is in or near the chemical plant campus. i got a message from this town’s emergency management office this morning that the fire reignited.
10:03a waiting on arcgis 10.6 to install. maybe this will help my fucking lag problems.
11:02a lag problems are still a thing. ugh.
11:16a rolling back/forward to 10.5.1. 10.6 needs a patch like yesterday.
2:21p 10.5.1 works so much better than 10.4.1 and 10.6. guess i’ll stay here for a while. my loan officer typoed my fucking loan documents. i hope she fixes that soon.
2:28p this condo must have been a rental. the seller’s billing address is different on the county’s cad versus what appears on the county’s tax office website. that’s why it has some issues.
4:53p i think it will be okay.
9:58a got my building inspection back and it looks … okay? like every older construction it’s got some issues. i think we can hammer this out. oh i hope so. i’m waiting on my agent to call me.
i ripped my temperature shawl out again last night. i still hate it. the one i restarted would have got to be entirely too big to manage. i did figure out a formula that will calculate out what color yarn i need for the temperature in my spreadsheet so that makes my life a little easier. i’m charting out a new one that should be manageable.
11:04a i’ve tried everything i know to try and fix this fucking terrible lag in my parcel fabric. this shit is actually hurting me. it’s like, dont even try to fix a parcel just draw a new one. uuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
11:43a everything is going to be okay. that knot in your gut is unfounded right now. everything is going to be okay soon.
1:30p talked to my agent. some stuff to fix, for sure. nothing that’s the end of the world though. the attic entry is nightmare fuel though, it doesn’t have a fucking lock on it and it’s a communal access. i’m excited again. this is going to work out. just go get a deadbolt and maybe something to rig a club to the ceiling to keep the attic hatch shut
3:30p today has been a very bad arcmap day. it’s crashed fucking 8 billion times today.
4:46P omg no. no no no no no. the power keeps bliping out and this last time my fucking monitor turned off my blood pressure cant handle this shit
4:49p fucking great, the internet shit out right in the middle of trying to finish this dude’s fucking cut out. god dammit. this blows.
8:16p i hate the term adulting at the end of the day, but it’s descriptive. my agent is putting our offer in for the condo we’ve been looking at. i was so anxious and nervous last night, like i was going on a second date with someone i was really interested in. just i was going on a date with a person i was really into.
just the person is a place to live and if everything goes right we’ll be going steady soon omg
10:22a i keep forgetting not to eat while listening to nosleep. peter lewis is amazing at narrating body horror. and by amazing, i mean i’m re-evaluating all my life choices up to this point. “pop go the people”, season 5 episode 3. i mean, at least i’m not eating some sort of gusher candy or something. just pistachios. but that’s still… there’s still a noise to eating pistachios, and it’s syncing up with points in the story that don’t need additional sound effects to be effective.
but i love this, it’s reminding me there’s a whole range of feeling outside of the constant anxiety.
10:31a i can do this
i can do this
i can do this
i can do this
i can do this
i can do this
i can do this
i can do this
12:06p i made my leasing agent cry. we’ve had a good friendship over the span of time we’ve lived at this complex.
also, day 2 of cloth pads has been uneventful. i washed yesterday’s in the shower. is that gross? it reads gross, but chronologically it made a lot of sense. when the fuck do i have time to handwash anything? i just hang it up when i’m done washing it.
1:48p lol every time i switch to my main mxd arcmap crashes
3:12p still haven’t heard back from my agent yet. but there’s still time in the day.