1:34p i hope this season turns out better than last year. my fingers are crossed it will be pretty fantastic.
i am looking for a canopy rn to string up so we can still have a fire. honestly, i love camp fires. it’s my favorite part of camping. otherwise why bother?
2:11p is prendisone induced depression a thing
because this is really bad
i just want this to stop
and i want to sleep
i want to eat
i don’t want to do anything
there’s more but it’s so twisted and *i* *know* *it’s* *not* *correct*
2:17p just time to binge off book until i feel better
3:46p i really want to go home
8:09a why am i so busy? why can’t i seem to finish anything i start? like my faire dress is not even anywhere close to done. i started to hang shelves and haven’t finished, there’s 2 supports on the wall and that’s it. i started to sand the firepit out and had to stop because the drill died.
i’m getting really down on myself for this. i feel like i’m justified in doing so though, like you know you have shit to do and it needs to get finished. i just end up spending all my energy at work, which isn’t wrong at all – like i need to so i can keep my house and my truck and be able to enjoy my life right?
8:52a i really don’t want to be here today but i have to
my flatbreads get stale in the fridge and i don’t really know what to do. suffer, i guess? hmm
11:13a i could have addressed the UN better at the height of my intense social anxiety days
i don’t think the rest of the world would have laughed at me
2:24p i’m going to sleep as soon as i can tonight. like literally going to pack my lunch, finish my steps, and sleep. i hate this so much. i hate steroids.
2:39p it also doesn’t help i binge ate like 2 bags of candy and some errant cookies left in the breakroom
ugh. i feel like garbage. pure garbage.
8:06a man drinking sometimes is pretty decent for my mental health
now let’s make sure i don’t backslide into drinking alone to intoxication every day
i do wish that our breaks were longer. or we had a shorter workday. something. this “40 hours/week” is more like 50 after commute and all that. i’m tired of it. but i can’t leave, i’ve built my life up to this point of mild comfort where it would be pretty terrible to backslide into poverty and 80/hr weeks at minimum wage to make the bills
8:57a i was really feeling adam’s “can i just come back later” when ben and john started talking about some philosophy literature stuff and i was like yep, where’s the fart joke?
it’s one of those days
2:32p that guy from yesterday that i didn’t want to talk to cause me to audit my street centerlines. he would not shut the fuck up about how google is the end all be all and practically assigns addresses and it’s bullshit that an ambulance takes 45 minutes to get to his rv
now i already talked to the 911 district and they know where your ass is
an ambulance won’t be in your remote neck of the woods quickly fuckhead
but i can triple check my information and send a new version of my centerlines to 911, due diligence and all. besides i’m only early by a month or so on the audit i’d already be doing. whatever. all my major subdivisions are in so it’s time enough.
also, the owner of that fucking park never updated us like 4 years ago when they established the park
and i told him as much
i had to call the city it’s in to verify because i have no contact info for the park ownership (that’s honest to god normal, it’s all on the taxpayer to contact us if there’s an error)
google doesn’t call me to ask about what’s what, fuckhead
ambulances afaik have their own georeferencing system and not google fuckin maps
google maps is editable by the public, at least by business owners
there’s no conspiracy but i do fucking hate you now for being an asshole on the phone
8:16a i’m listening to the episode of pounded in the butt by my own podcast that scoots did in a desparate act of self-care
i’m just tired and i’ve been doing nothing but chores all week. barely any knitting done this week, got my cocoon sweater finally on the round. the instructions on the pattern were slightly unclear.
i kind of want to design some mittens with some chuck-isms. i’ll have to comb his twitter for something super short.
uh duh i think i already know
“love is real”
8:25a hearing scoots cuss is comforting and i have no clue why
8:46a jeez this music is great
8:48a if it wasn’t for the music i’d be drifting off to sleep
11:00a i didn’t think about this at the time, but i went to walmart before work to get some things. paper towels, tp, a brush attachment for my drill so i can remove all that rust from our firepit, safety goggles because i don’t know where mine went and i mean they’re $2 and my eyes are priceless, an extra skein of the mandala colorway i want to work next, and a set of knitting notions with stitch holders.
the cashier asked me if the goggles were mine (“yes”) and then what i was making and i said i was working on a sweater and i was a little short on yarn
i’m not sure if she meant what i was doing with the goggles or the yarn
i’m not sure what anything means anymore?
it was also 6:30a and i wasn’t really thinking. i’m tired
2:57p i saw the crazy 911 dude’s name on the caller id and it hasn’t been transferred back to me yet. i’m scared someone’s talking to him like he’s a rational person
he’s so not a rational person
8:39a i bought some ballerina slipper style shoes and low profile socks this morning. the cracks on my feet are that bad again. at least they’re not infected. i’ll have to bleach bath every night for a while, hopefully that will help them heal quicker. maybe for good this time. never using tea tree oil and sea salt again. bleach forever.
2:37p i think i’m just going to not wear shoes at my desk when i don’t have to. fuck closed toe shoes a lot. this sucks.
on a totally separate note: bundyville is an amazing podcast. i mean, i hope it’s never continued but i’d listen to more history reporting on domestic terrorism.
8:58a i talked to my boyfriend a bit about what he sees in ground zero.
i told him i wasn’t hate-listening, and i wanted to get to know the stuff he likes outside of our shared interests. we’ve been together for 6 years, ssssoooo this shouldn’t be so difficult. he says he listens for entertainment and not information.
i said good, because there was a red flag every couple of minutes. like he’s friends with alex jones. he’s “fair and balanaced”. he says he wants to talk to you straight, yet continually says “they” instead of naming who he’s talking about. he basically fellates tesla’s corpse. he denies the human component of climate change.
9:30a okay i love the cryptid keeper. jim cantore IS the gray man.
4:30p my skin is killing me again. i guess it’s time for bleach baths every day again. i ordered some closed-toe gel socks so hopefully that will help me occlude my feet more efficiently.
i’m looking forward to faire regardless. hopefully i’ll have my dress done this weekend. i may not even dress up the first weekend, idk it just depends.